I still vividly remember those days when I was in sixth grade—a tender age in every sense. As a child, I was emotionally unformed, with little understanding of concepts like love or attraction. At that stage, I had never experienced romantic feelings for anyone. To me, the girls in my class were no different from the boys. There were no restrictions on sitting with them, playing together, or even casual physical contact. Yet, thoughts of love or attraction never crossed my mind.
Life was moving along smoothly until one day, a new English teacher entered our classroom. She was young, beautiful, and full of promise—this was her first teaching assignment after completing her master's degree in English. She was around 22 or 23 years old, with an average height and an elegance that epitomized mature womanhood. Her presence was captivating, and for the first time, I noticed the stark difference between her and the girls in my class.
As she began teaching, I experienced an unfamiliar sensation—a strange, magnetic attraction. I found myself wanting to see her more, to be near her. Her image began to occupy my thoughts and dreams. I started paying extra attention in her class, completing assignments with newfound diligence, all in the hope of earning her favor. It bothered me when male teachers spoke to her, and my admiration for her grew stronger with each passing day.
Soon, I began dreaming of marrying her. These feelings were entirely new to me—my first experience of romantic and even subtle physical attraction. For the first time, I understood the difference between a man and a woman. I imagined her taking care of me, cooking meals, washing clothes, and being by my side forever. These emotions, though unfamiliar, consumed me completely.
One day, she announced a test and promised a surprise gift for the top scorer. Determined not to miss this opportunity, I worked harder than ever and secured the highest marks. When she announced the results, she approached me and kissed me on the cheek. In that moment, I felt as though I had conquered the world. Her kiss was a triumph, and the memory of her lips on my face became an obsession. I began dreaming of reciprocating that kiss, of expressing my feelings to her.
But life had other plans. A month before our exams, news broke that my beloved teacher was getting married and would no longer be teaching at our school. It felt as though the ground had been pulled out from under me. My dreams shattered in an instant, and I was consumed by jealousy toward the man who was to marry her. For the first time, I wished to grow up quickly so I could propose to her myself. Yet, as days passed, life returned to normal, and I resumed my role as a carefree child. Still, she left an indelible mark on me, teaching me the profound difference between a girl and a woman.
Originally, this post was written in 2003-2004, Now it is the revised version.
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